ARUNDEL

I'm sick of Brighton, literally thinking of turning to something similar to the hamlet style living my pa has got. Even the distant noise of seagulls is doing my skull right in. I've got such itchy feet.

PRESENT

I brought myself this little beauty but in a cream gem and crystal version. How indulgent and naughty.

FENNEL

I woke up the other morning to venture downstairs to see my dad's wife running round with a fly swatter looking all flustered. It didn't seem that unusual. I spent less than 24 hours under that roof but I felt very teenage again. Sleeping in the same single bed with paisley quilt and same decor as before and it made me feel very uncomfortable. One, it was anyway, it was like no one had slept in that bed since me aged 14/15 and the springs had somehow become more sprung but worse than that I felt so glad I've grown out of that stage of my life.

It was nice to see the house, it makes me like the countryside. There are horses at the end of the garden , there's vegetable patches and fruit growing (I sampled the strawberries) but alas I still felt on edge.

Being there makes me laugh sometimes, my dad and his wife are the only people i've ever met that keep Veal in the freezer "just in case." Before they got rid of it they kept the Aga on to heat the house, they read the Sunday times with slippers on, they have a log fire, they grow vegetables that i've not even tried (Fennel for example), they like The Archers and my father likes leaving his tea 5/10 minutes to brew before he drinks it. Prehaps these qualities explain a lot but I do laugh how much of an oddity i've turned out compared to this lot. I often ponder if I was even my father's daughter.

I went with the full intention of outing myself as last time I saw him it was Christmas and somehow I thought i'd be ruining Christmas but this time I had the full opportunity but it wasn't coming out my mouth. So when he asks if I have a boyfriend for the tenth time i'm sure i'll still be replying "Not yet dad" and sigh.

I'm glad to be back in Brighton.

SLIGHT OBSESSION

Mary Portas, you appear to have everything. I want to be you. I want you to be my boss. I also think I drifted into the realms of fancy when she got angry earlier, WRONG.

Being a power lesbian helps too.

AM

the fallacy of attributing human feelings to inanimate objects; `the friendly sun' is an example of the pathetic fallacy
just look outside, the sun is not friendly today.

My parachute dreams are so biziarre, the last few nights my dreams have been so vivid. I guess i've got a busy brain.

Last night was a healer. I wish I had taken a picture of "Groovy Jim" because he was amazing, I really like old people. He was literally the best old man ever. He was the kind of person you wanted to sit down and make him tell you all about his life, the trails the successes and all the love and heartbreak inbetween. I needed to step outside my own box, and I really felt like I did.

It's very cliche to say but I feel like i'm at some sort of crossroads. Or maybe a tipping point on a scale. One foot each side of the line, unsure of where or when to set off.

INSIDE

empty: devoid of significance or point; "empty promises"; "a hollow victory"; "vacuous comments"


"don't let your lungs fall out" she said "i'm more worried about my heart" ...have suddenly turned into a pubescent teenage boy in some awful screamo band.


Under a concrete shell i'm soft as butter.

I feel like my head might explode.

FEW DAYS

BORIS

I've grown really fond of Boris of late, I've decided that me and him have a few things in common. He always tries to do the right thing but somehow seems to be so clumsy and generally people just laugh at him. Poor Boris, his intentions are always sort of right in his own little way. I love that he's got the whole of London to look after and all he really cares about is bendy buses. Just BLESS.

I'm a bit happier today. I went bowling last night and even though i'm completely useless, like Boris my heart was in it. I lost 2-1 in the end but I did manage to get a few strikes. I didn't like how sweaty my feet got though in those horrible shoes. I'm glad my drinking has slowed down again, after last week I'm taking a big slowdown on it again........I got really ill and I think it may have something to do with wearing next to nothing out and then sitting smoking for loads of the night. Horrible, or "Orriiibble" (asian/scottish accent).

I feel that after my exams I deserve a bit of a break. Sometimes life can be so monotonous when all that you need to be doing is revision.

MOOD:

Seriously, just let me know already.

SNEEZE

my life consists of this right now...

although whilst tapping into google "day nurse" this was one of the first options...

every cloud.

HEDGEHOG

I feel small and prickly today.

SYSTEM UP WITH THE TOP DOWN

got the city on lock down.

+

= JOY

Little things make me really happy, it was really sunny today and April drove me home with the top down, it was bliss. I could even smell the fish n chips floating off the beach. I sort of wish I didn't have this stupid piece of work to do and I could just go into town and relax with a coffee and cigarette on the beach.

I dreamt of hoovers and woke up saying that the seaguls were singing christmas songs. Delerious.

I had a really good night in revenge too last night. I like it when my posts are happy, makes a change doesn't it?

5 DAYS TIL PARIS.

WRATH

I am in quite a happy mood.

It's my one month anniversary today of being in a relationship. (I'm shit with dates and did have to get told but y'know)

I'm pleased with myself though.

Last night there was a big meal at April's and about 14 people turned up, it was well good. I'm glad we didn't go out as theres Charlie's fashion show tonight and i'm mildly excited for it as last year it was pretty good.

I have nothing to complain about apart from a mild cough. Life is grand.

INEPT

I hate how unbelievably socially inept I am when I'm sober. I'm literally a mute, it's not even that I don't want to talk it's just I go to and then stop myself. I'm a bit shit with group situations, I've always been a bit shit at it but recently I've been overly crap and it's starting to piss me off. I don't really like confined bright spaces so last night was a bit of a nightmare anyway, add to the mix about a million lesbians in basically a box room and you get a very uncomfortable me. It annoys me because I've never been like this. I feel like i'm acting in a shifty manner or not saying anything because i'm not interested in what someone has to say, but it's not the case. I just seize up infront of a crowd and it's even worse when it's people that I've been just introduced to. Ohhh. I should probably stop moaning about it and get on with it. I can't wait for Paris.

GAGAGAGAGA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQ95z6ywcBY&feature=PlayList&p=C4B9C7326E087E89

WATCH.

DAY OF BIRTH

I went to Charles Street and luckily didn't "GET SOME."

I swear its every man and his dogs birthday around now. Its well pricey and my liver is getting a bit tired. Didn't even drink much tonight.

I'm in a "I hate my face" mood today.

This week has been weird. Its gone too quickly and i've spent most of it being ill.

I was going to rant about lesbians but it's an old tale and I can't be bothered, basically they all annoy me. Even the ones I do sort of get along with can be really irritating, prehaps I just don't care about who is getting it on with who anymore. I need to go to gay bars less, especially not sober.

I'm looking at tickets for Olipop as it's his birthday soon and I want to treat him, I know he likes Ellie Goulding but it's sold out at Digital and i'm not paying £45 off ebay so I was thinking Robots in Disguise but I don't want it to be a big let down.

This post is really boring so i'm going to shut up now.

"I'm wearing a bow tie and i don't feel compromised." & "I could just run into my own fist with fury".

Oh Sue Perkins we salute you.

I literally want to carve my lungs out about now. I've hardly slept since 6.30 but every time i drift off i cough again, it's horrible. I'm at Aprils, it's so cosy but i'm a bit scared to go and make a cuppa incase her flatmates wonder why i'm just wondering around their flat while April's at work. 

Last night was scary, I was convinced I heard a woman fall over directly above us, she like yelped aswell and I jumped in bed, but then I did have my eyes closed and  I could of been imagining things but I really didn't think I was. I probably sounded like a mad woman. 

I must do some work today inbetween coughing like a crazy lady. 

ASL

It's 4am. I can't sleep but I did just sneeze and it went all over my screen. I'm a right treat.I've had a night of memories tonight. Remember the days before Facebook chat? and we only used msn? Remember when there wasn't really LOL. Remember when it was 16 to buy cigarettes? I remember the gap when they changed it and I was 17 and it really pissed me off. Remember the millennium bug? I was 10. Nothing scary happened. Remember when the weather man didn't have a blue screen behind him but symbols stuck on with velcro or something? Remember when you drank white lightening in a park when you were 14? Remember 16+ gigs? Remember getting your ears pierced? Remember first snogging a boy? Remember first snogging a girl? Remember first throwing up off alcohol? I was 14, in Burger King and threw up blue WKD everywhere. I've always been a classy bird. Remember your first love? Remember your first romantic let down? Remember that music? Remember those friends? Remember those parks and places? Remember feeling invincible? Remember your first house party? Remember spin the bottle? Remember bunking off school to watch neighbours? Remember the smoking alley? Remember shit P.E lessons?

It can be easy to forget.

ICE ICE BABY

I really hate having a cold, i'm not very pleasant to be around.

I'm attempting to promote student stuff for Brighton Dome, it's a challenge as most people haven't heard of Chris Cunningham but if I say oh he does the Bjork video or you know he does loads with Aphex Twin then the penny drops.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-o5i0eF2AF4

DAVID BOWIE

Reading was on the news today(only about a local election or something equally snooze worthy), I got a bit excited and i'm not sure why really. So I text Danielle and Amy and they both responded "oh has someone been shot?" It made me laugh a lot. Oh I miss you, you disaster of a place. So I decided to dip into the achieves of people I miss and love from my beautiful old town.

BURNT TOAST

I sort of want this picture on a T shirt. I really hate how ugly a penis is.

Anyway, this isn't the point, not that there particuarlly is one. I just remembered that my finance teacher called me "Baby" the other day and it creeped the hell out of me. I hate anyone calling me baby anyway but especially from an aging old accountant looking man who thinks he's hilarious. As I hate accounting with a passion i've not been attending his classes and he noticed this week and thought he'd embarrass me infront of everyone. Greattt. "Spending too much time dying your hair white har har har, you'll start to look like me har har har." UGH.

I went out last night and it ended in a blurred mess (some may say as per usual). I threw up in my now girlfriends house. God, what a treat ey? My head hurttsss, i'm spending the day in bed listening to Snoop Dogg. I don't think you'd put some of the music I like with my face. I wish I could remember the music from last night, i'm sure I liked it. I'm also surprised as the other day I met someone, and it was weird because sometimes you can see a picture of someone and presume they'll sound so different to their face. Well, that happened. I liked the voice but I was a bit like oh, that's strange, I was expecting gruff rough voice but it's not at all. I don't think you should jump to conclussions about people sometimes. I'm so quick to make a swooping generalisation.

I need a hair cut. I got a ring in my nose and i'm such a little brat I made April come with me and I squeezed her hand really hard. It did hurt a bit though but it's fine now and I quite like it. My house is surprisingly quiet, Rach has gone home and everyone else is out or hungover. It freaked me out a little bit that Chris and Charlesberg read my blog, not that it's like "I fucking hate them!" but i always presume noone can actually be that bothered.

I'm rambling on about not a lot, I should really be doing my washing, or bath but i'm so toasty in my bed. I'm seeing SOV tonight and shes supposed to be staying at Aprils. It does really intrigue me, I like awkward/weird/unusual situations quite a lot so it should be funny.

Oh and we're going to Paris!

RUNWAY NEVER LOOKED SO CLEAR

It didn't hit me in one fell swoop, but its this gradual build that scares me the most.

It's not the most conventional way to go about it but it seems fitting.

It makes me a bit warm in my stomach.

Its changed me already, i've swapped a scowl for a smile.

I want to let myself take a good go at it.

I'm trying.

THE ONLY SONG TO SING

(written en route home)

Perspective
There is a part of this train journey that goes past Teignmouth that I always put down my magazine for, it’s got really deep red rocks and it’s great when it’s really stormy because the train goes right along the seafront. I like it when it’s so stormy the train almost gets sprayed with sea. It’s also my flag for getting into Plymouth, theres an abandoned boat that looks like it has been sat there for years. Everything about Plymouth is out of date, but in a good way.

I’ve had a weekend that I needed to rejuvenate, I felt like I was sort of loosing any attention span, motivation and general mood in Brighton. Not because of anyone or any one thing, I just felt like I/it was becoming a bit stale, needed the change of scenery.

I got in late Friday night, then went out, for some reason I was in the highest of spirits as soon as I got into Plymouth, probably the relief of getting off a 5 and a half hour train journey. I’m quite patient when it comes to trains but that’s a long time sat still, especially when you spend some of it in a corridor. We went to a club in a bus shelter, this is very typical of Plymouth, clubs are dirty, again in a good way. People talk to each other more, it feels like everyone knows its shit but wants to make the most of it. Another thing I notice about Plym is that theres no pretence, theres no groups of kids trying to make an impression. Everyone is still listening to MGMT like it’s some sort of revelation and the height of drum n bass is Pendulum. It’s nice though, it’s a bubble. I think I’m in my spectator element when I’m in Devon, it’s like a micro society.

Saturday night we went out at about 12.30, ended up in an old hotel that had been completely emptied for a house party. It was pretty amazing the pure effort they had put into organising this night, everything was stripped from the rooms, I’m surprised they didn’t take out the light bulbs just to keep them safe too. The house was covered in cardboard. I didn’t really go with any expectations but left feeling really good. There must have been about 150 people in this four floor place at one point, people were literally queuing to get up the stairs, apparently there were six djs too but I only managed to see two. Again I spent most of the night talking to random people, I met a boy who explained all his tattoos in immaculate detail, a girl who lived in Brighton and left it for Plym who had the best hair cut ever, and this little girl who I just called fleur all night, she told me her full name but I couldn’t remember it so I just left it as fleur, she painted my face in glow paint and I drank her gin (even though I hate gin). We left the house at about 6am and slowly marched home. Three of us passed out in em’s bed and I woke fully dressed covered in glow paint, but happy despite moaning about my head.

Sunday we watched curling all day, I love the winter Olympics. Then we went to pub quiz, it was brilliant. There was a sexual questions where answered included “dutch oven” and “blue waffle.” I really needed urban dictionary all night. Then em and I brought the most amount of pizza I’ve ever seen and watched Billie Piper do her thing on tele. Basically, an all round success. I’m quite looking forward to getting back to Brighton now, which I guess I refer to as home but at the same time I really could have spent longer in Devon. It sorts out my head. On my way to the train station UKIP gave me a balloon and played trombones at me, only in Plymouth.

NOUN

po⋅lyg⋅a⋅my 

 /pəˈlɪgəmi/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [puh-lig-uh-mee] –noun
1.
the practice or condition of having more than one spouse, esp. wife, at one time. Compare bigamy (def. 1), monogamy (def. 1).
2.
Zoology. the habit or system of mating with more than one individual, either simultaneously or successively.

BRUISED

Tomorrow i've promised myself it will be the start of a new era of being nicer.

I promise myself I will NOT smoke 20 cigarettes a day/night, it's gross and disgusting and it's happened too many times recently. I will not drink £2.50 wine, the whole bottle, every last drop and then think it was actually quite nice because i'm beginning to sound like an alcoholic. I should also really impose celebacy upon oneself but for some reason this always has an opposite effect. Last night was one of those nights where the point to stop drinking was before I'd left the house. My liver hates me. I also have found that I can have a really weird violent streak when drunk, giving people black eyes isn't really that sexy alas far too enjoyable, i'm beginning to sound a little mental.Probably a fine case for domestic violence, but I like it.

Today i've mainly spent it a bit confused about life and the simple task of even making a cuppa has challenged me. I've got 3000 words to write for next week. Oh and only the most important interview of my life to date......but i'll do that later. Au revoir.

MILF.

This has been described as the MILF version of SMD's Huster and I couldn't agree more, it's annoyingly addictive listening too.

I've decided it's been a while that I've posted anything on the internet and 2010 requires a fresh space to post in.

I was talking to one of my housemates the other day about music suggestions and so just for him and anyone else interested here's a few musical gems that I'm into right now ;

• Drop The Lime - Devil's Eyes (Diplo B-Live Mix)
  
  
• B. Gledden - Castaway
  This is my new "lovers spit" It took forever to find and I'm glad I kept looking, Its on the soundtrack to Diary of a call girl and Sugar Rush but annoyingly nowhere on the internet to download, thank god for email.
  
  
• Speech Debelle - Spinninn'
  Think black early Lily Allen but better.
  
  
• Passion Pit - Little Secrets
  A bit more electro and high pitched than what I would usually like but it keeps playing on the Skins adverts and it's sinking into my brain. Addictive.

• Rhianna - Hard
  Mainly for the video, mainly because she's fit and fierce and I fancy her. Enough reasons?
  
  
• Stars - Sleep tonight (Junior Boys Remix) / Your Ex- Lover is dead.
  Sleepy time music selection plus I like the lyrics too. I've also loved their older tracks forever.
  
  
• Ellie Goulding - Starry eyed (remix)
  When I first heard Ellie I automatically took a disliking to her but over time I've grown to really like this song. I've got a feeling that she will be a one album wonder though.
  
  
  
• Massive Attack - Saturday come slow
  I've only downloaded this tonight but it's growing on me, long term love for this band.