ARUNDEL

I'm sick of Brighton, literally thinking of turning to something similar to the hamlet style living my pa has got. Even the distant noise of seagulls is doing my skull right in. I've got such itchy feet.

PRESENT

I brought myself this little beauty but in a cream gem and crystal version. How indulgent and naughty.

FENNEL

I woke up the other morning to venture downstairs to see my dad's wife running round with a fly swatter looking all flustered. It didn't seem that unusual. I spent less than 24 hours under that roof but I felt very teenage again. Sleeping in the same single bed with paisley quilt and same decor as before and it made me feel very uncomfortable. One, it was anyway, it was like no one had slept in that bed since me aged 14/15 and the springs had somehow become more sprung but worse than that I felt so glad I've grown out of that stage of my life.

It was nice to see the house, it makes me like the countryside. There are horses at the end of the garden , there's vegetable patches and fruit growing (I sampled the strawberries) but alas I still felt on edge.

Being there makes me laugh sometimes, my dad and his wife are the only people i've ever met that keep Veal in the freezer "just in case." Before they got rid of it they kept the Aga on to heat the house, they read the Sunday times with slippers on, they have a log fire, they grow vegetables that i've not even tried (Fennel for example), they like The Archers and my father likes leaving his tea 5/10 minutes to brew before he drinks it. Prehaps these qualities explain a lot but I do laugh how much of an oddity i've turned out compared to this lot. I often ponder if I was even my father's daughter.

I went with the full intention of outing myself as last time I saw him it was Christmas and somehow I thought i'd be ruining Christmas but this time I had the full opportunity but it wasn't coming out my mouth. So when he asks if I have a boyfriend for the tenth time i'm sure i'll still be replying "Not yet dad" and sigh.

I'm glad to be back in Brighton.

SLIGHT OBSESSION

Mary Portas, you appear to have everything. I want to be you. I want you to be my boss. I also think I drifted into the realms of fancy when she got angry earlier, WRONG.

Being a power lesbian helps too.

AM

the fallacy of attributing human feelings to inanimate objects; `the friendly sun' is an example of the pathetic fallacy
just look outside, the sun is not friendly today.

My parachute dreams are so biziarre, the last few nights my dreams have been so vivid. I guess i've got a busy brain.

Last night was a healer. I wish I had taken a picture of "Groovy Jim" because he was amazing, I really like old people. He was literally the best old man ever. He was the kind of person you wanted to sit down and make him tell you all about his life, the trails the successes and all the love and heartbreak inbetween. I needed to step outside my own box, and I really felt like I did.

It's very cliche to say but I feel like i'm at some sort of crossroads. Or maybe a tipping point on a scale. One foot each side of the line, unsure of where or when to set off.

INSIDE

empty: devoid of significance or point; "empty promises"; "a hollow victory"; "vacuous comments"


"don't let your lungs fall out" she said "i'm more worried about my heart" ...have suddenly turned into a pubescent teenage boy in some awful screamo band.


Under a concrete shell i'm soft as butter.

I feel like my head might explode.

FEW DAYS